Personality Theory

Whew- 

Very gold 8th & 11th graders, both with short fuses and big senses of purpose.

Very blue 6th grader trying to be the peacemaker.

Fortunately the Mom of the 8th grader (who's aunt of 6th and neighbor of 11th) has plenty of blue too. 

Not sure how it would've went if she'd been another gold charging in to make demands instead of  joining with me to work together at resolving things.

Mostly miscommunication, misperception, and major amounts of defensiveness.

Is it any wonder though why I sometimes wish I could quit teaching and coaching and go back to grad school full time to get a degree in psychology? I'd much rather analyze these personalities than have to negotiate between them.

Clashing Titans

I have a Junior and an Eighth grader who both have strong personalities. Both have tons of skill, confidence up the ying-yang, and short fuses.

I was really proud of my junior high squad at their football game this afternoon. Only 4 of the 7 were there, but they cheered often, loud and confident. They're creative and full of enthusiasm. And for the most part, they get along great.

I made the mistake of giving them a little too much... something, rope? room? power? liberty?

The Eighth grader (the other 3 are Seventh graders) begged to be able to cheer at the Freshman/JV game too, after the Middle School game. I figured, they were doing a good job. We don't have a JV Cheer squad and our Varsity squad only cheers at Varsity games. So- I figured maybe it would be a way to support the underclassmen boys while giving the girls more experience. I made it clear that they MAY do this, but that they weren't the JV squad, and that I couldn't be there, because I needed to get home to my kids. 

After I'd been home for about a half an hour, I got a series of phone calls from my Junior about their behavior at the JV game. She was working at the concession stand. She told me that they were cheering in just spandex without skirts. I told her that it was okay to tell them that this was not appropriate and ask them to put their skirts back on or stop cheering.

She called me back to tell me that they called her a "bitch," and that she felt that they shouldn't be allowed to be in Cheer anymore.

I shouldn't have let them cheer without me there. I shouldn't have sent her to correct them, I should've known that she comes off too strong and I should've known that they wouldn't respond well to her.

I also should have let the whole thing cool off and let the dust settle before I did anything about it. Instead, I sent the 4 girls a message on facebook, telling them that the Junior is my representative. "If you disrespect her or call her names, you are disrespecting me and calling me names," I told them.

I tried not to use threats and hoped to get them to think about their actions. I said that  I hadn't decided yet if there need consequences and asked them to think of what would be fair and bring me their ideas.

I asked to meet with them the next day.

Naturally, nothing can be that easy. The Eighth grader wrote back and threatened to quit, and let me know that two of the three seventh graders would quit with her.

Then, there's another reply, claiming to be her Mom, who would like to meet with me at school tomorrow morning. She was very upset because she said that the Junior was threatening her daughter.

Drama, drama, drama. This is the kind of thing that drives people out of coaching cheerleading.

The Junior sent me the transcript of a volley of texts between herself and a Sixth grader- who I think is either the Eighth grader's sister or cousin. The Sixth grader not only complained about how she had yelled at the junior- highers, but that she had said disparaging things about the handicapped boy on the high school squad.

I advised her to just try to avoid both of the Sixth and Eighth graders.

Dear Lord, grant me wisdom and patience. Let the meeting with this parent go well tomorrow.

I don't know why I'm not an anxious, nervous wreck about this. Mostly I'm annoyed. What we have here are a bunch of bruised egos. I'd prefer that they all would show deference toward one another, have some humility and perspective and move on. It's unfortunate because all three of these girls have a lot of what you want in a cheerleader.

Comes with the territory.

Belligerent Alumna

I had a rough night tonight. This lady came up to me and started ragging on the squad to me, right in front of them (and the student section). I kinda felt like sharing with you cheer-alumn the note I just wrote to my squad about it.

Whew! That was a rough last few minutes to the game tonight.

No, I don't remember that ladie's name- only that she is a graduate of 1998 and was disappointed in our performance compared to cheer squads back when she was in school. I'm sorry that you had to endure that kind of negativity, especially on your special Homecoming night. I also apologize if, like Cammey, you felt like I didn't defend you adamantly enough. In 17 years of coaching I've never experienced anything quite like that, although coaches of other sports have to endure plenty of heckling and/or criticism all the time. 

I want you to know that I told her that I'm very proud of all of you, especially considering how only 2 of you have a lot of experience cheering in hs and how hard it's been to get together to practice. I also told her that I believe in positively encouraging you and that it wasn't right to berate you or ridicule you. 

Having said that, I'm the one who's ultimately responsible if we need to have more pride. Plenty of cheerleaders have com plained over the years that I'm not enough of a "hard-ass." I'm not the highly structured, strict, letter-of-the-law, organized, stickler for the rules. I'm not rigorous enough and my expectations aren't high enough.

My personality and therefore coaching style, as you've probably noticed, is to seek harmony and try to nurture and build people up. If anything I'm probably too patient and flexible. I believe that my main role as your coach is as a mentor. Unfortunately, this means that don't always push you hard enough.

But I respect that you're smart enough to recognize what needs to get done and motivated enough to want to do it. I've seen all of you do amazing things, work incredibly hard, and I know how brave each and every one of you is. It's not easy to get in front of your peers, let alone the entire crowd week after week.

That's why I want to remind you of something that I've written before. Please keep reading, no matter how boring it is to read me. And try to take this to heart-

“You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.”~John Wooden

listen to the criticism or suggestion carefully, don't take it so personally that it ruins your life, but don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, consider if and how you can use it to improve- even if you don't have a lot of respect for the source or you know that they meant it to be mean. ANY criticism can become corrective-criticism if you take it to your brain and not your heart.

Being a cheerleader means being under a microscope, on display, on stage. It's not about you, it's about raising spirit and leading the crowd to make noise for the teams- but sometimes it feels like everybody's a critic. You're going to need to learn how to take it, but more importantly, 1. take it in stride, and 2. be willing to take it and do something with it if/when it can actually help.

Remember, have your ego let it go, but use your brain to pick through what you can use to improve.

When you're really feeling bruised and sensitive and the criticism is hard to take, remember Dr. Seuss's sage advice, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

So shake it off, but learn from it. We need to be louder and prouder.

We do need to average at least 8 cheers per quarter, so all of you (not just Cammey & Kaitlyn) just start up lots of cheers. You want to lead, not just follow. A thermometer responds to the climate, thermometers respond to the action of the game or the mood of the crowd. A thermostat affects the climate, keeps the energy up and the attitude positive even when we're losing. Thermostats keep cheering often, even when the crowd doesn't join in. 

You can do this- I've seen you do it. I know it isn't easy, but like I said- I not only know you can do it, I've watched you all do amazing things in and out of school.

Next week you cheer at my hometown. I know you'll make me proud. Because you already have.

People who rail on others in anger and indignation only think they know about pride, but really they're trying to make up for their own insecurities. All of you are better than that. That's why I know you'll get past tonight and stay positive.

Remember:

“You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.”~John Wooden (That's poise)

and "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."~Dr. Seuss (That's team spirit)

Poor sportsmanship includes negative comments about the teams. This alumna also complained about there not being a band during the second half. What I've seen is 5 band directors in the last 10 years. Personally, I think that the new band director this year has done a remarkable job in just 6 weeks to make our band sound incredible. In the 10 years I've been here, the band has never stayed past half time.

We lost tonight by at least 2 touchdowns. I wondered why this lady didn't head on over to the sideline and lay into the football coaches for how the boys were playing.

But she's not the only one who's so negative. Rumor has it that some of the 2010 and 2009 graduates have complained that "8-man's not REAL football."

When my wife and I taught at Los Angeles Lutheran High, there were graduates from when LHS was in Burbank who didn't accept the campus in Sylmar and felt betrayed that the school had moved. Never mind the fact that the school couldn't afford the massive debts it incurred by staying in Burbank. No doubt there were some alumni who resented that it left Inglewood to move to Burbank.

Change is never easy. The school is different. Times are different. Kids are different. Parents and the community are different.

When I first moved back to Iowa, people in Charter Oak worried for me because I was going to work in Dunlap. It had a rough reputation for drugs and fighting. Come to find out it was plagued with problems that made it look like a soap opera from the administration, to teachers and coaches, on down to students.

The Boyer Valley I work at today is a very different place. It's a place where the administrators are working hard to improve learning and test scores, a place where teachers and coaches genuinely care about the well being of their students, a place where parents and the community are actively engaged and involved with the school.

Yeah, 20 years ago the cheer squads competed at the state championships, but between that coach and me there were something like 5 coaches in 4 years. No, I don't demand enough out of my cheerleaders, but I support them, listen to them, worry about them, and try to steer them in the right direction.

Things change. Things don't always live up to our ideals, but that's no reason to turn on your old school with reproach. Schools, like countries, states, or individuals for that matter, grow and evolve, make mistakes and have different strengths and weaknesses. We have to allow for that.

This Alumna needs to learn how to be true to her school instead of attacking it.

Oh what could it mean...

I may say this kind of thing almost every year, but I TRULY mean it this time- it couldn't have happened to a nicer girl. Sure she has model good looks, sure she'd involved in a lot of stuff, and sure she's popular and all that- but as long as I've known her, Kaitlyn has been accepting and friendly to all students no matter who they are (or how weird they are, frankly). She treats everyone the same. She's one of the hardest working students I know and she also happens to be one of the best artists in the school. She could be fooling me, I am pretty gullible, but I'm pretty sure that she's pretty well grounded and has a lot of character and integrity too.  I'm really happy for her and proud of her as her cheerleading coach. 

I'm also really proud of the students at Boyer Valley, not just for voting for her, but really, all six of the Senior guys and girls you voted in as candidates are basically great kids, not just popular or good looking. Well... maybe not that Sullivan kid that got King, he's kind of a scoundrel, or so I hear.- Just kidding.

This picture is of auctioneers selling a cheer shell (top, shirt, jersey, whatever you want to call it. Like many schools in Iowa, our school's Booster Club holds a "Jersey Auction" after Homecoming Coronation as a fund raiser for the athletics programs. As a major "blue" personality type, I feel very conflicted about it. Some kids parents own successful businesses, others are dirt poor. And some kids are successful athletes, attractive, popular, prominent in the community, confident and poised- whereas other kids are shy, insecure or otherwise on the social margins. But, it usually ends up being fun for most people and raises a lot of money, so far be it from me to buck tradition.

Kaitlyn is probably one of those kids my former mascot friend was referring to when he told me about kids who don't need mentoring nearly as much as other kids, but should still be mentored anyway. She has a strong stable family, a loving mom and step-dad and supportive extended family. She has a loyal network of friends. She's absolutely blessed with both brains and beauty.

I've never quite figured out if she's actually insecure- one of those people who don't realize how attractive they are, or if she's just modest or well grounded, because in the four years that I've known her, she's never been boy crazy, she's never dressed suggestively or (that I've been aware of) been involved in any illegal drugs or excessive alcohol. Sounds too good to be true, doesn't she?

In short, she doesn't seem like she needs mentoring. And unlike some kids, she hasn't really reached out to me like some other kids. Like I said, she's fantastic at drawing too. Yet we've never been especially close. I haven't pushed the issue because  I figure she's pretty well adjusted and therefore doesn't need mentoring.

Almost as soon as school started, she started working on locker decorations for football, volleyball, drill, cheer, and student council. What initiative! She's accepting and tolerant of all kinds of kids and has never been susceptible to melodrama. Respectful and patient, a dream to coach, right?

Still, I'm not sure she's as secure as one might think. Where others are assertive, she's deferential. Where some are engaging, she holds back. Mind you, I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, no one's life is as charmed as outsiders tend to think.

Kait and I may never connect on some deep, profound way, and that's okay. I hope she still  gained some things from cheerleading or from me.

I had a cheerleader a few years back who I always assumed was smart and strong and had it all together, so we never seemed to "bond" all that deeply or personally. Then out of what seemed like nowhere, after graduation, she came to my classroom after school to say goodbye. Underclassmen usually have school for another week or two after Seniors graduate (thanks to snow days). 

Maureen had also been yearbook editor (I'm advisor), but we still seemed to have each other at arms' length. She was smart, came off as confident, had lots of friends. Not what I ever thought of as needy. At any rate, at this farewell visit, she told me that in spite of having a biological dad and a step-dad, she really thought of me as a father figure, loved me and was gonna miss me. 

We corresponded quite a bit while she was in college in Long Beach to become a graphic designer. I haven't heard from Moe in a year or two since she moved back to Sioux City. I have this theory that she finally made it into the CIA like she always dreamed and can't write since she's undercover protecting national security somewhere.

To congratulate Kaitlyn, I searched for the Monkees' song "Oh what could it mean, for a daydream believer and a Homecoming Queen" on youtube and shared it with her on facebook. It made me feel bad that they didn't have facebook or youtube for all the previous cheerleaders who've become Homecoming Queen.

I was really proud of Xela, Christina, Randi, and Sasha (she actually got Prom Queen, not Homecoming- that was just last year. Xela is a mom in California and one of the biggest fans of my blog writing on politics and religion. Christina actually succeeded me as cheer coach at Los Angeles Lutheran High for a few years. I had the privilege of attending Randi's wedding just last summer after she'd graduated from college. All of them have turned out to be adults of great character, intelligence and merit- besides being beautiful women on top of it. I have not doubt that. 

I have no doubt that Kaitlyn will turn out okay too. I just have a feeling. Life may not always be as easy or fun as it is for her this week, but I expect that she'll do well in college and become an adult of great character, intelligence and merit- besides being so damn beautiful.

Don't Look Down

It’s a hard lesson to learn, but cheerleaders learn it every year, usually in the searing heat and glare of the late summer sun at camp, long before the school year and the football season begin. The lesson is, Don’t look down. Put another way, attitude determines altitude.

Pilots know this. If you raise the aircraft’s nose up, the plane flies up. Cheerleaders have to learn this too; where your eyes go, your body tends to follow. If you look straight ahead at the crowd, you’ll keep your balance, look down, even for an instant, and your body will begin to lean.

Cheer is not the only sport in which this principle applies. A basketball shooter doesn’t watch the ball, to make a basket, they have to focus on the hoop. Golfers can try to follow their ball after they swing, but at that instant they follow through, they’d better be concentrating on where they want the ball to go if they want to avoid a wicked slice.

A few weeks ago PBS host Allan Alda talked to University of Arizona scientists about this on his show, Scientific American. It seems that whether it’s a tennis serve or a volleyball serve or a hunter after a pheasant, the principal is the same- where you look, there you go. Don’t look at the ball, look at where you want it to go, don’t look at the bird, aim at where you expect it to be the moment your shell reaches the same point in space.

If you don’t want to fall, don’t look down. Principles are things that can usually be applied in other areas of life. That’s why sports are good for kids, they learn valuable life lessons without even realizing it- a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

Seems there have even been studies that suggest that while you’re walking down the street, if you tend to constantly be looking at the ground, your mood sours, whereas if you look up more, you’ll naturally become more upbeat, less tense, even happy. One theory is that when you look ahead or up, more light can make it into your eyes. In the fall and winter when days get short and clouds hide the sun or people stay inside all day, some people begin to suffer symptoms of what doctors call seasonal affective disorder (SAD). So looking up can literally, physiologically keep you “up.”

Let’s use our “don’t look down” principle as an analogy for other things.

Take people. If we expect the worse, they probably won’t disappoint us. If we’re critical of them or defensive toward them, they’ll treat us as we’ve treated them. If we look for even one good thing in them and appreciate it, we may even bring out the best in them.

Take politics. If a candidate focuses only on what’s wrong about his opponent, he or she only turns off the voter. America is fundamentally an optimistic place, voters want to know what the candidate’s hope and plans and qualifications are. Ever notice how when one person is looking up, everyone else starts looking up? We want to see what they see. “What is that? What are they looking at?” It’s compulsive. That’s leadership.

Take work. If you focus on how hard it is or how unpleasant, it only makes it more unpleasant. Time drags on when you watch the clock. If you focus on a goal or your accomplishments, it’s much easier.

Take business. If you focus on your obstacles, expenses or irate customers, you’re dooming yourself. If you focus on trying to build relationships, and on trying to provide your customers with what they want and need, you’re bound to succeed.

Take religion. There’s Law and Gospel, right? The Law shows us that this world is messed up because people are basically selfish and short sighted. What does that get us? It’s meant to humble us and make us realize that we need God. Great, but if we never stop focusing on how bad we are and how bad everybody is, we’ll never get on with living. The Gospel is the good news that God loves us even though we’re selfish and short-sighted. It shows us that He wants to have a relationship with us and He wants to help us be selfless and broaden our vision.

Take any problem we have or all of life for that matter. Take society in general. If we insist on always being critical or negative, where does that get us. Nowhere, stuck, stagnant, digging downward. But if we look forward or look up, guess what- we’ll at least stand firm and tall, at best, we’ll start moving forward.

Many a cheerleader who has the bruises to prove that “don’t look down” is one of the most important lessons anyone can ever learn.

What's in a name?

Last week my Middle School Mascot quit after one game. She's in volleyball and it was really going to be the only football game she could come to anyway. She told her parents that it "wasn't like what she thought it would be like, she got tired and the costume was smelly." It's too bad because she did a fantastic job, very animated, really funny and engaging.

I visited with her parents a little at the Varsity game Friday night. We all agreed that it may also have had some to do with some of the personalities of the other girls on squad, on very zealous Seventh grader in particular. I reasoned that it's easier to avoid personality conflicts in basketball or volleyball than in cheerleading and I quipped that their daughter might now be able to avoid such conflicts, but that there was no escape for me.

They laughed and sympathetically asked how I could stand it, "you have three daughters at home, too, don't you? Geez, it's hard enough for us with just the one."

I told them than I didn't know whether God had used coaching cheerleading for the past 17 years as preparation for me having 3 girls or if He used parenting all girls to help make me a more patient cheer coach.

This reminded me of the name I chose for this blog. Originally I chose it as a title if and when I ever actually wrote a book about my experiences. It came from my very first year of coaching.

My wife was under a lot of stress our first year of teaching because she was asked to coach both junior high and high school cheerleading. When we went to our principal together to beg that she not have to coach both squads, he looked at me grinning and said, "I guess we'll need to find someone who could take on the junior high cheerleading... I noticed in your personnel file that you were a cheerleader in college."

Dumbfounded but dedicated to my wife, I reluctantly took on the responsibility. Little did I know what a difference that ONE season, freshman year of college would eventually  make in my life.

I hadn't intended to volunteer. At the time, I didn't feel qualified. I felt like Morgan Freeman in the Civil War epic, "Glory," when the Union Colonel, played by Matthew Broderick promoted him to Sergeant and gave him his stripes. "I'm not sure I'm wanting this," the middle-aged former grave digger confessed.

At any rate, here I was a 23 year old rookie teacher, fresh out of college, married but no kids of my own and my very first squad- a very fun, creative, enthusiastic group of Seventh and Eighth graders decided that it would be cute to nickname me "Papa Bear." It didn't really stick, they were pretty much the only squad to call me that, but it does pretty well exemplify part of my coaching philosophy. Kids need mentors, and girls need positive, appropriate (non-sexual) adult male influence. It's best if they get it from their dads, but not everybody has a stable two-parent family anymore.

 I was talking to my great friend (and former Mascot, now about 27) the other day. I stopped by his office in Denison (a bigger town near by) just to say hi. I had st picked up a prescription at the pharmacy across the street. By coincidence, I had come to Denison during their Homecoming parade. They're a bigger school with Freshmen, JV, and Varsity cheer squads for Football, Basketball, AND Wresting.

He was impressed by the stunts they performed in the parade and how sharp and synchronized they were. Whereas it was a struggle for me to manage to get a whole six girls to agree to cheer for football season this year and it's a struggle to get them to practice even once a week because of jobs and illnesses. One or my veterans attends Volleyball practice every night. Another one is a candidate for Homecoming Queen and felt like she had to make appointments at a tanning booth during practice.

We talked about my "blue" personality as compared to the need for disciplined cheerleaders to aspire toward greater excellence, he seemed to wonder out loud if at some unconscious level, kids who needed mentoring from someone as patient and tolerant as me.

He said though, that it would still be nice if I could get some cheerleaders who were already more confident, driven and maybe even competitive.

He figured maybe they'd bring along the more needy ones in their momentum. But then he paused and thought some more and counseled me that, "actually, those kids who don't seem to need mentoring, need mentoring too, they just don't know it."

I guess that's always been my philosophy. Legendary UCLA Basketball Coach John Wooden believed that he was a teacher and a mentor and that building character in his players and preparing them for life was just as important as building their skills and preparing them for games.

Of course, that first squad may have just called me "Papa Bear" because of the novelty of having a guy coach junior high cheerleading. I did feel a little like Cary Grant in his 1964 movie "Father Goose." An antisocial, cynical, masculine curmudgeon alone on a Pacific island during WWII, Grant suddenly found himself thrust into a paternal role when a young teacher and her class of school-girls are stranded on the same island.

Or it could've been because I'm about 5' 10", 250 pounds with a goatee, so maybe I looked like a bear. God knows that when I get home, my wife has to put up with me being the typical man that comedians like Bill Engvall and Tim Allen joke about- like bears, all we really want is to eat, sleep, and mate.

Too Blue?

The other day a parent of one of my cheerleaders was frustrated that girls weren't coming to practice regularly and that they want to wear boys' football jerseys over their uniforms on game day. She suggested that I needed to be more of a hard-ass, "like that cheer coach on that TV show, Glee."

I listened to her appreciatively but reminded her that we're a very small school (fewer than 300 kids, grades 6-12) and it was difficult to scrape up enough kids willing to come out for cheerleading, especially since we have to share their interest with Volleyball, Cross Country, Drill Squad, family, part time jobs, and of course, friends and boys.

If I reprimand them too sternly, there won't be any cheerleaders.

My wife is a guidance counselor at another school. She's explained to me about a personality system that's been around since 1979 when author Don Lowry modeled it as a graphical version of both Keirsey’s Temperament and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

In Lowery's system, Blues seek harmony and seek to nurture and build people up. Blues are relational. Greens are conceptual, analytical, and logical thinkers. Golds are highly organized, sometimes black and white thinkers that like to establish and maintain policies, procedures, and schedules- control freaks. Oranges are creative but physical and impulsive, they like to have fun, need stimulation, freedom, and excitement.

One would Under this concept, you might imagine that the best cheerleaders are are oranges. Most people go into teaching because they're blues. A lot of artists are green and plenty of coaches and administrators tend to be golds. On the "True Colors" quiz, I score really dominant in the blue and heavy in the green. The few episodes of Glee that I've seen, Sue Sylvester here strikes me as really heavy on the yellow side.

The point of all this is that the green in me is driven to try to rationalize my short comings as a coach, and the blue in me loves and wants to mentor the kids on my squad. Meanwhile, what little yellow I have is tormented by how much better the squad could be. I wish I had at least an ounce of orange in me so that I could fire them up and show them how to REALLY make cheerleading fun.

I talked about this all with a dear friend of mine, who happened to have been my mascot when he was a high school Senior about ten years ago. He agrees that I let my cheerleaders walk all over me and that they need to have a lot more pride and respect for standards. But he did concede that many of them are probably drawn to our squad because they need a stable but empathetic adult in their lives.

How did someone like me ever become a cheerleading coach?

How a nonathletic, middle-aged, heterosexual male became a middle school/high school cheerleading coach and the lessons it taught him about life, teamwork, confidence and fatherhood.

Once upon a time I thought about using a blog as a jumping off point for eventually writing a book about being a male cheer coach. Never have seemed to find the time or the self-discipline. But at least one journalist told me that they thought I'd make a good feature story because there are so few male cheer coaches and that maybe I should consider writing a book about it someday. Not much to it yet, but here's a start.

"How did you ever end up coaching Cheerleading?"

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that one. Speaking as a Journalism teacher, if I wasn’t the male Cheer Coach, I’d probably encourage my students to interview him. I’d think there’s a story there, it certainly is a novelty.

When I attended the Iowa Cheer Coaches Association conference in Ames a couple of years ago, I was one of only two male coaches, and the other guy was coach at a junior college.

There has really only been one time, to my knowledge, that someone gave me a hard time about it. It was in L.A. An Athletic Director at another Christian school approached me, assuming I was one of the football coaches, to let me know something about that days game. When I explained to him that I wasn’t the football coach, I was the cheer coach, he laughed and made a homophobic joke and sympathetically asked me how I "got stuck" with cheerleading.

When I told him that I didn’t feel like I had been "stuck" with it and that I actually enjoyed it, he didn’t quite know what to do with me. He awkwardly back-stepped out of the conversation and made his way to the "real" coaches.

"So, how did you come to coach something like cheerleading?" I hear you ask. Alright, I’ll tell you.

I wasn’t ever particularly good at sports as a kid. Freshman year of college, I happened to be in the student union when some of the girls on the cheer squad came looking for guys to be "yell leaders." There were only four of them and they needed more to help them build pyramids.

I was full of school spirit and figured it was a great way to meet girls, so "what the heck." That was just one season, freshman year. My wife Bethany, on the other hand, didn’t cheer in college, but she did for years in high school.

The first year that we taught at Los Angeles Lutheran Jr/Sr High School, Bethany was expected to coach both junior high and varsity cheer. It didn’t take long for us to see that it was unreasonable to expect a rookie teacher to be expected to coach two sports simultaneously. When we approached our principal with the dilemma, he was more resourceful than we had anticipated. He had remembered from my file that I had cheered in college.

At first I was very reluctant, but we reasoned that Bethany and her high school cheerleaders could help me train my junior high cheerleaders. Besides we welcomed the additional stipend, meager as it was.

I have to tell you, if teaching is both one of the most difficult and yet most rewarding professions, coaching is even more so. You can’t get to know a student very well once a day during a fifty minute period alongside twenty or more other students, you can get to know them fairly well when you have just six or eight of them for a couple hours every single day. My hope and prayer is that by coaching, I can make a greater difference in the lives of a few young people.

I coached junior high cheer for about five years. After two or three, Bethany got out of coaching and took on other responsibilities as L. A. Lutheran’s Spiritual Life Director. No doubt, a step toward becoming a counselor, like she is today. During that time they went through several different Varsity coaches. I’d like to think that for a while, some of my junior high squads performed better than their high school counterparts. Eventually, they asked me if I would take over the varsity squad and assigned the junior high to a new rookie teacher.

I coached two more years in LA and I considered it a ministry, not just an after school activity. We prayed before and after games and once a week we had a meeting/Bible study kind of the way I imagine a Fellowship of Christian Athletes "huddle" might have at a public school. I wanted to be a "coach," and not merely a "sponsor," so I made every effort to work hard every practice and improve as much as we could. Our squads attended camps and attended workshops and combed through magazines and videos for ideas.

I’m honored to say that the cheer coach at Lutheran High in L. A. today cheered for me as a junior high student and for both Bethany and I as a high school student. It’s a kick to exchange email with her about what our squads are doing.

This is my third year coaching cheer at Boyer Valley and my ninth year coaching altogether. There are ups and downs, and anytime you’re dealing with teenagers, let alone teenage girls there are days when you feel like you’re going crazy. But it’s still a lot of fun, and as rewarding as ever. I may not be the best coach that’s ever been around the sport, and my squads may never get on ESPN, but I like what I do.

School spirit is important. Supporting the other teams, coaches, and athletes at our schools is important, and I’d like to think that being a positive adult male influence for young women is too.

You never know where they'll wind up

Last summer I saw on facebook I saw how one of my former cheerleaders was a Las Vegas attorney taking a business trip to Chicago. That doesn't reflect on me in the least. This same week I bumped into another former cheerleader who had dropped out of high school and was working as a carny at county fairs. Maybe it goes to show you that all kinds of people cheer in high school. Maybe it shows what a diverse bunch of young people I've run across over the last twenty years.

Part of me thinks that it proves that the universe is unjust. That carnival barker was one of the sweetest, most gentle, picked on and made-fun-of, nerdy kids in school. The lawyer was the epitome of the "popular" kid, beautiful, successful, and generally unconcerned with the consequences of her attitudes and action.

Of course those are just my perceptions of them and my perceptions don't by any means represent all there is to know about either of them. That previous paragraph is obviously heavy with judgment and sympathy which is probably grossly misplaced. In fact I think that I was unfair to both of them.

The nerd tended to get on people's nerves and made decisions that weren't always healthy. I watched the popular girl treat underclassmen with patience and kindness and help them learn a great deal.

I'd like to think that both individuals gained something from cheerleading. Both have to be comfortable dealing with people Whether you're trying to convince someone on the midway to play your game or trying to convince a judge or client to follow your advice, a certain amount of confidence, presence, leadership, and poise are needed.

Cheerleading may not ensure that all of your dreams will come true or that your life will always be merry. But sixteen years of encouraging girls to stand in front of a crowd and encourage it to encourage their team's athletes has shown me that it definitely contributes to a person's character.

I have no idea wheter the cheerleader that became a lawyer still parties, or acts like the most important thing in the world are her looks. I don't really know her at all. I don't know the cheerleader who works for the traveling amusements company either. But I do know that she was upbeat, unashamed, effervescent, friendly and warm the whole time she was visiting with me. That made my day.

Life isn't always easy. Maybe she LOVES being a carny and I'm falling victim to society's stereotypes by worrying for her. I don't know. I DO know that it's a wonderful thing to make someone's day by being congenial and just giving the appearance of optimism. What a great thing it would be to be able to do that for even just one person everyday.

Cheerleaders aren't bubble-headed Pollyannas who are terminally cheerful. Some are remarkably intelligent, some struggle. Some are naturally effervescent and bubble, others wrestle with being melancholy, even clinically depressed. Cheerleading itself is supposed to be positive, confident, energetic, and fun.

It's my opinion that while cheerleading doesn't magically turn kids into happy, well adjusted perfect or successful people, it can be like a stake next to a sapling tree, or a wire cage around a winding tomato vine. It equips young people with the skills and attitudes which can help them cope, adjust, thrive and survive.

Getting started

Once upon a time I thought about using another one of my blogs,http://cheercoach.blogspot.com as a jumping off point for eventually writing a book about being a male cheer coach. Never have seemed to find the time or the self-discipline.

Once upon a time I thought about using cheercoach.blogspot as a personal journal about the trials and tribulations of being a junior high and high school cheer coach.

But it seems like too many cheerleaders and occasionally parents actually read it and once in a while I'd strike a nerve or otherwise just say something that someone would take issue with. So, in the interest of good PR, I tried to totally back off of that. Which left that blog kind of a fun photo album/scrap book for my cheer squad and a (hopefully) a means of communicating to both those cheerleaders and their parents. Frankly, technology carries on and Facebook gets used a lot more for the things that blogs used to and that blog tends to get neglected.

Writing teacher Anne Lamott says that it's important to allow yourself some "shitty first-drafts." Not only would I like to have the freedom to write things that could be accidentally misinterpreted by anyone. I absolutely love my cheerleaders and mascots. I consider it a privilege to have the opportunity to mentor them. Needless to say, the last thing I'd ever want to do would be to wound, offend, alienate any of them. But what I need as a writer is the opportunity to be raw, subjective, interpretive, occasionally even wrong.

In her book on writing, 'Bird by Bird,' Lamott also talks about how blurring the line between fact and fiction is actually a way to develop meaning and content. As Pablo Picasso once said, "Art is the lie that tells the truth."

I don't intend to deliberately falsify my experiences or misrepresent my students, but I want this blog to be a repository of rough drafts and I don't know whether anything here will go nowhere else but here or be used for fiction, or actually become that book about coaching. So, here we are.

I may or may not use pseudonyms or real names. I may or may not use composite characters. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is very likely, but don't count on it- especially if you're a lawyer. All the memories and opinions on this blog are my own and do not represent those of any of the schools where I have worked, or any of the students I have coached nor their parents. 

Unlike all my other blogs, I won't have this one feed into my facebook page and I won't share it with current or recent cheerleaders or post links to it on my other blogs. Don't get me wrong, I compulsively want readers, but to retain the liberty to write "shitty rough-drafts," I have to make sure that I have an entirely different audience than usual. 

Those of you I invite who have known me or read me for a while, please be patient with me if I post some old works just to get this thing going.

I really would like to be more disciplined as a writer, but more important I'd like to reflect on all the things I've learned and the kids I've known as a cheer coach, and share my perspectives on what I go through- so here we are.

Last night, driving home from the football game, my head was full of ideas for things to start writing already. This morning, it's as if they've evaporated- plus the house needs to get cleaned. But, now that I have this blog set up, I'll have a venue to come to when I have free time. So please come back and consider becoming a "follower," bookmarking this site, or subscribing to the RSS feed.